i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
