I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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