you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize