Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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