every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
