Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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