So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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