So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
