my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
