I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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