Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize