this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
