these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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