God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
