You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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