I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
