the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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