My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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