When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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