Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
