Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
