omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
