i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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