how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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