bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize