The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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