Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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