Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
