I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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