At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
