I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
