I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
