thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
