Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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