All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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