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Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
