do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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