Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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