Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
