I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
