They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
