You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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