Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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