Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
