can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
