I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
