You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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