Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
