so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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