remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
