I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
